“I can’t believe you just said that,” spilled out of my mouth. A “friend” verbally attacked me because I disagreed with her position on a topic I thought fair to discuss.
I’m shaken. If friends cannot reasonably discuss what is happening in our culture, with whom can we discover the strength of opposing positions? How can we make informed decisions about local issues? I’m frustrated.
Are you afraid to disagree with others because of fear of rejection? Me too. Even though I try to be sensitive to the needs of others, I doubt my ability. Hypersensitivity rules the day. At this point, I find myself avoiding most conversations that venture past, “Hello. How are you?”.
Sad.
The desire to be considerate of the feelings of others now means no real expression of understanding or depth of relationship. Dialogue devolves into superficiality; if you disagree with me, you are being hateful. I will not have anything to do with you because you do not agree with me.
Superficial relationships rule so surface peace can prevail. But is this healthy? Take time to listen.
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. Proverbs 12:15
How can we change this unhealthy trend of demanding the “you must agree with me or I will reject you” mentality? Of course, the answer is one person, one heart at a time. And I must start with my own heart.
How have I been intolerant?
Which one of my positions is narrow and needs to be informed?
To whom have I insisted my position must be heard instead of listening with a heart for understanding other ideas?
Thoughtful listening does not mean agreement. It means all ideas are given respect. Only then can we understand what formed the reasons the other person has taken a stand to which we disagree. Only then can we, with sensitivity, present our thoughts or modify our position, whichever is appropriate.
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:31
True tolerance of other positions is built one relationship at a time.
Do you have a helpful hint about how to chip away at the disease of insensitivity in today’s culture?
What occupies your mind? Through what process did your controlling thoughts develop?
Several years ago while principal of an elementary school, a parent accosted me in front of my office. This parent normally supported the school so I wondered what horrible thing had occurred. I asked her to explain her concern. Her son’s teacher had shown a movie to which she objected. I reminded her the movie had a G rating. That did not appease her. I listened. The issue boiled down to a single scene inside a bar. Even these many years later, I remember her exact words to me. “Garbage in; garbage out.”
It makes no difference if I agreed with her objection to the movie. I respected her concern for protecting the mind of her impressionable son. She and her husband desired to be the ones who expose their son to the world beyond their control. Preparing his mind for that exposure at an age when they could help him process the information in a mentally healthy manner was their goal. An admirable goal.
Garbage in; garbage out. This statement has echoed in my mind over the years. Today, I use it to monitor the contents of my thought life. I ask, “What have I been feeding my mind lately?” Have I focused on negative, sad, frustrating, unhappy matter?
At this point, you may be saying that is the world we inhabit. Negativity fills our social media feeds, news, organizations, gossip, and our relationships. We gravitate toward the juicy tidbits because of three reasons. Either we want to be in control, they make us feel like we aren’t so bad after all, or adversities verify our dark moods.
During the COVID-19 pandemic of 2020, many of our dark thoughts focus on adversity.
So how should we respond? My solution is focusing my thoughts on what is right in my environment through meditating on this verse.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8
Each day I set my goal to focus on one topic listed in this verse. Do I succeed in my effort? Somewhat. At least this endeavor turns my focus from entertaining counter-productive thoughts to having hope. Here are the areas in which I have struggled.
Loss of income
Possibility of becoming seriously ill
Lack of social contact
Lack of recreation
What areas of negativity have been hardest for you to control? If you have found a way to lessen their impact, please share. Sharing realistic ideas about how to turn negatives into positives can help us navigate trials.
Recently I have been examining my attitudes. Are my attitudes the ones God desires? Are they selfish or bathed in amazement of God’s mercy to me? Am I frozen in selfishness? Does my life demonstrate the warmth of God’s love?
I know. I am supposed to love Christmas, and I do. Well mostly. But some aspects of the Christmas season try my patience.
Busyness—Christmas is known for the hustle and bustle. We give up none of our normal activities as we cram in gift buying, decorating, parties, and family gatherings. No wonder we get cranky with each other. This year I have let sharp words escape my mouth in the presence of undeserving ears. Have you been guilty too?
Decorating—I love Christmas decorations, but the effort to put them up in my home is a chore. Dragging out dusty boxes, sorting through seasonal knickknacks, and finding a place for them is a monumental hassle. At the end of the day, the tree is up, ornaments are hung, and the crèche is placed. I step back and survey the house. It is festive, and my excitement builds. If only I would have started out with the right attitude, the decorating would have been God-honoring instead of drudgery.
Social Events—Parties, concerts, programs, and caroling opportunities are too numerous to attend. I have to make choices. The family is celebrating Christmas at my house. The house must be cleaned and food prepared. Do I have enough energy for it all? The Scrooge in me emerges as I look at the calendar. Then I attend the first event, and my heart is warmed. Calls to family members, as we plan our family Christmas, build excitement. I can hardly wait to have them descend on my house for a day of fun.
As I write this, I am reflecting on the real reason I celebrate Christmas—the birth of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Pondering that miracle puts everything else in perspective. May you richly enjoy celebrating Christ’s birth this year.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. Luke 2:11
How are you preparing your heart to celebrate the Christmas message of God’s unselfish love?
My good intentions are sabotaged with the demands of daily life. The unexpected takes over. My husband forgot to tell me about a change in his schedule, Mom wants to start a new project, or the dog gets sick on the living room carpet. You know what I am talking about. We all experience similar interruptions daily.
Interruptions are not necessarily a bad thing. Some are fun. Some are frustrating. Some provide surprising opportunities to witness through our words or actions. I get that. But a series of interruptions that has gone on for months has crippled my plans. As soon as I negotiate one crisis and began to settle into a day or two of normalcy, the next mini-calamity arrives. Nothing really bad has happened. I have to admit that many of the interruptions in my plans have become blessings. The point is that MY PLANS ARE NOT HAPPENING.
So how have I responded to this reality?
1. Gripe: All this did was to make me and everyone around me miserable.
2. Get angry/throw a temper tantrum: A bad idea (see above).
3. Laugh it off and say, “That is just life”: This approach was the easiest, but it leftme frustrated. I suspect God has been testing my obedience to his direction for me to write because writing is the one thing I consistently have not been doing. Well, sort of. I write all of the time for myself, but God is directing me to write for others. My lack of productive writing time has led me to question whether God really wanted me to share my writing.
4. Use small segments of “found time” better: In theory this should work well. In reality, it only somewhat works because my days have been jam-packed. Normally the only “found time” I have is when I am drained at the end of the day.
5. Seek God’s direction: Well duh! Why did I not do this first? Finally, I reached the best solution to my frustrations with the unexpected happenings in my life. I have quit hitting the panic button–well most of the time. A peace overtakes my mind when I remember to ask God what I am to do, when I am to do it, and how he wants me to achieve his project.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33
I resolve to daily give God my projects and my schedule. What area of your life do you need to relinquish control to God?
Am I willing to do what it takes to serve God well?
I recently examined my attitude toward serving God. Am I just serving at a surface level? Do I love God enough to do exactly what he tells me—no more and no less?
I love God and want to serve him most of the time. But sometimes I yield to the human temptation to take things into my own hands.
When “self” takes over I experience dissatisfaction. One would think I would learn, but I continue to make the same selfish, human mistake. Why is this? I am sure God loves me and desires for me to successfully serve him.
When God told Moses that Bezalel was to build his tabernacle, he gave Moses the following information about him.
“I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills.” Exodus 31:3
When I accepted Jesus, I was filled with the Holy Spirit. But I lack the next item—wisdom.
How do I fill myself with God’s wisdom? I daily spend some time reading Scripture, but my meditation on God’s Word, my seeking to hear the Lord’s message, is lacking. I perform the required reading of a Bible passage, but I too often do not seek to listen to God’s wisdom. I have my idea of what the passage says. My schedule must be kept. I have things to do and places to be. What a selfish attitude!
Spending unrushed, dedicated time in God’s Word and communicating with him in heart-felt prayer are essentials for possessing wisdom.
Lord, create in me an unquenchable desire to seek your wisdom daily.
